Fears and Food

Daily life is a struggle for some. Anxiety and stress overpower people. Some people have figured (some of) the triggers and for others it's still a journey. For myself, going vegan made me realise some triggers for my own anxiety and depression. 

Growing up I always had a distant relationship with food. I was that kid in the YouTube video crying because she doesn't understand why we eat chickens, pigs and cows. Then due to situations out of my control I suffered with an ED as a teenager. I went 6 months only eating custard creams, bananas and my nans homemade Quorn spag bol. I was vegetarian from the age of 12-20. 

The decision to go vegan was one I'd thought about for a long time before transitioning. The main reasons I didn't do it straight away was because I didn't want to be awkward, a nuisance, or to draw attention to myself (oh, and coleslaw). When I realised my food choices were contributing to my anxiety I knew I had to stop putting myself through it. It helped, a lot more than I realised at the beginning. I no longer felt guilty for my dietary choices and I went from being a known "fussy eater" to a real foodie and enjoying all food... As long as it is vegan.

Daily, I still have struggles; things you wouldn't even think about. I won't take my lunch at work knowing someone is in there consuming meat. I am hawk-eye over the barista making my coffee. As much as I really appreciate it, I really struggle when people offer to make me food; cross contamination is a big no. I feel tense walking down certain aisles in supermarkets. TV shows, people eating on public transport, even people touching things after they have eaten meat, eggs and dairy I don't feel comfortable touching after. 

It's something I think will always be there, something I kick myself about too much, but something that makes me me and I can't change. I hide it often but sometimes it creeps up on me unannounced. Surrounding myself with people who have the same morals and views as myself and trying ny very hardest to avoid those situations has certainly helped; just like claustrophobia and arachnophobia, cibophobia is something people suffer with.